Small Recap.. Because I'm Bored.

Alright, well orientation week is finally OVER! Thank the sweet Lord.

To start off the week, we were meeting in Tiffany's office every day for hours trying to plan out the orientation program that we would be putting on for the freshmen later on in the week. It was quite the hellish ordeal. My roommate ended up crying on more than one occasion.

In the end however, we came up with an awesome program that we put on four separate times. We were known among the orientation groups as one of the funnest programs to go to! Success! The kids were all really engaged and seemed to have a good time while we still managed to present the material that we deemed necessary for them to attain. So yay!

Steve is currently at PAX Prime in Seattle. I get to see him in six days! It feels like it's been forever since I last saw him, but it was only August 15th. But I mean, it feels sooo much longer than that. I hope that this week flies by so that I can see him. I pretty much have warned him already that I'm going to run across the parking lot and tackle him. It's really cute though, because he said he was probably going to do the same thing. Despite it sucking that we aren't able to see each other, we've gotten to talk on the phone and the trillian instand messenger while he's at work. And we send each other pictures, which is fun. It's so nice to open my phone and see his gorgeous face. I'm such a dork. I can't even type that without smiling. Gracious.

I think I'm finally settled into the fact that I'm a senior. I am a senior. I *am* a senior. That is crazy!! When did I go through three years of college?! Now, I'm not ready for the real world, by any means, but I think by the end of this year I should be okay. Hopefully. Because by then, I don't really have a choice in the matter.

On another note, I made an appointment with the counseling center. I wasn't going to, but I have been advised by a couple different people that it might be a good idea. Since the crazy weight loss I went through was such a traumatic time and since I never talked to anyone about it.. I guess the general consensus seems to be that it would be a good idea for me to talk to someone. And I don't know.. maybe it would be. I mean, I've kinda found myself slipping back into old habits of completely stuffing my feelings instead of dealing with them. I can tell you the last time I cried. It was so long ago. April 22nd, I believe. Sometime Easter weekend. But I'm pretty sure it was the 22nd. So hopefully, whoever I'm paired with will be able to dig through whatever risidule shit is leftover or might be still affecting me.

And on a completely separate note, I love Planned Parenthood. For a long time I was kinda on the fence with how I felt about them, and in the past few years I have discovered how much I really appreciate them and what they do for women. Two for you Planned Parenthood, you go Planned Parenthood. :)

I Could See It...

I think I may understand now how people say they don't want to do long distance relationships. It's hard not seeing Steve all the time. I mean, we're in the midst of an almost three week stretch without seeing each other. This past weekend I was moving to Keene, and this upcoming weekend he is going to PAX Prime. So, basically, we have to wait. And it really sucks. I miss him so much.

But here's the thing. I have now figured it out. I always used to think, 'Why the hell would someone put themselves through that? Find someone closer!'
No. Here's the thing. When you care about someone, and I mean really care about them, and you can't imagine life without them, or imagine being with anyone else, you wait. You wait as long as it takes just to see them, to hold them, to talk to them.

And I will wait, too. This boy is completely and totally worth the distance. Completely and totally worth waiting for.

Things to Think About...

So I was thinking about my life today. Being as I am barely two days away from my senior year, I figure it might be time to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life.

First of all, work. Obviously, I want to get into children's theater. I would love to be able to direct. It's really all I do in my spare time anyways.. I go to the theater and I help with various adolescent theater programs. I enjoy it immensely, and I cannot imagine my life without it. So logically, one would assume this would be a good life path for me. However, it could be difficult to make a decent living do this. I don't know much about actually working in such a field, but usually anything in the arts is rather unstable. And since I don't have any official theater degree, it could be even more difficult for me.
So if the theater thing does not work out, I think I'm going to go to pastry school. I love to bake, this is hopefully not news to anyone. And I could easily see myself baking the rest of my life. And getting paid to bake and decorate cakes? That would be amazing. I need training though, if I'm going to do that. So pastry school is my next choice.

Second, living. I am thinking more and more each day about moving to Boston. Both my sisters are in the area, my boy is there, and I love it there. I used to hate all cities, but recently something snapped in me that turned me on to it so much. I want to live in the Boston area so badly I can't even stand it.

Before all this, however, I have a senior year to get through. And I have a feeling it's going to be absolutely amazing. Not only am I living with my awesome ridiculous roomie again, but my class-load is easier, and I'll be seeing my boy all the time!

I still cannot get over how amazing he is. I miss him so much! I don't get to see him again for another 14 days. This weekend I'm moving back to school so we can't visit, and then next weekend he's going to PAX Prime, so he'll be across the country being a completely adorable nerd. Hahaha I wish I was going. I actually am getting a stronger desire to attend a PAX.

But yeah. My boy. He is incredible. I have this instand messenger installed on my computer now so we talk while he's at work. The whole time I sit there laughing and imagining the faces he's making.. the way he would say what he's typing. True, we have not known each other long, but I can hear his voice at certain things he types. He's so... just..... mmmmmm. :)

My fairy-tale continues..

It's now been over a week since Steve and I became official.

It's so completely strange. I feel like I've known this boy forever. Literally, we've only known each other a little over two weeks now. And as crazy as it sounds, I feel more comfortable with him then I do with even some of my friends I've had for years.

Like I've said before, he is incredible. I can be my complete and total self around him. This is a really big deal for me; something I've always looked for in a relationship. Even in some good friendships I've felt as though I have to hide parts of myself.. opinions, views, emotions.. even little quirks in my personality. With Steve, I don't have to hide anything. He accepts me completely for who I am, and tells me I'm beautiful in the process.

He is incredibly sweet, funny, thoughtful.. He makes me laugh.. I smile just at the thought of him.. the mention of his name.

I cannot say enough nice things about this boy.. This wonderful boy that I keep thanking the Lord for.. This boy that is, in short, the knight in my fairy-tale. Steven Joseph Lane.

Fairytale Summer

I haven't even been going out with Steve for a week. It's been 4 days now. 4 days, and I can already tell that this is going to be better than any time I spent with Tim. People have been asking me all week, "Is he better than Tim? Is it too early to ask this?"

One would think it is too early to ask. But this boy. He is already giving more to our relationship than Tim ever gave to us. Steve cares about me, he cares about my well-being. And what I love is that I am comfortable to be my complete self around him, something that I was never to do around Tim. With Tim, I felt as though I had to hide parts of myself in order to gain his affection and approval. I don't have to hide with Steve. I can be me, and I can't even tell you how happy that makes me. 

You know, there is a video. I took a bunch of videos the day of Tim's senior recital, and the one of him singing This Is the Moment always got me.. it was the moment I realized I was in love with him. And ever since we broke up, no matter how much time had passed, it was difficult to watch. And I eventually stopped trying, assuming I never would be able to. It made me hurt, no matter how much of a dick he was being. It made me miss him, and those feelings of love would come flowing back. 

Today, just for kicks, I tried watching it. It didn't hurt. In fact, I wanted to reach through the screen and punch him in the face. At this point, I can honestly say, I am so over it.And this will be the final post about it. It is over. He is not worth my time, my interest, my emotions. At one time, I was in love with him, yes. There's no way to change that it happened. But it is so over, I can't even illustrate how over it is. I'm done. 

But now, I can also honestly that I am finally happy again. I have been able to find joy in life. Things are falling into place like I never expected them to. I always start off summers saying that I would love it to be a fairytale summer.. have fun, be in the sun, relax, meet a boy, etc. Just be happy, so happy that sometimes you laugh for no reason, you look around and smile at nothing. Your heart skips a beat when you breathe in. You jump in your seat jamming out in your car. You roll in ecstasy at the thought of how lucky you are to be alive, to be living the life you are in. 

And finally, for the first time in my life, I had a fairytale summer. 

4:52am

4:52 am. August 7, 2011.

This is my new anniversary. The boy is now my boy.

He is absolutely wonderful. He's gorgeous, funny, respectful, fun.. I like everything about him. He makes me smile, and I'm so comfortable about him. It's hard to believe that we literally only met a week ago. I've never had something move this fast! But, no gonna lie, I am completely and totally okay with it. And he is too.

How did I ever get this lucky? :)

It's certainly been a while!

Well, my few blog monsters (by Gaga's usage of that word, one must assume the new meaning for it means fans), I cannot believe it's been nearly a month since my last update! That will just not do. I sincerely apologize for my absence.

Well, what a month it has been! One of the main things that I've been doing is taking care of my little man. He has literally become most of what I do. I spend over forty hours a week taking care of him at times. And over the course of this ridiculous summer, I have fallen in love with this sixteen month old little boy. And now his new aupere is here.. and next week is my last week. And I can't imagine not seeing him. This might be harder than I thought..

On another note, I went to visit one of my sisters last weekend in the Boston area. I usually get stressed out visiting people, but I had so much fun! We went to a club called Bootie Boston, and danced the night away.. it was awesome. And then the next night we had a party! Great times..

And did I mention the incredibly amazing boy I met while I was there? Yeah. Um, he's adorable and super nice and is coming to visit me this weekend. Just talking about him takes my breath away. Oh my :)