One would think it is too early to ask. But this boy. He is already giving more to our relationship than Tim ever gave to us. Steve cares about me, he cares about my well-being. And what I love is that I am comfortable to be my complete self around him, something that I was never to do around Tim. With Tim, I felt as though I had to hide parts of myself in order to gain his affection and approval. I don't have to hide with Steve. I can be me, and I can't even tell you how happy that makes me.
You know, there is a video. I took a bunch of videos the day of Tim's senior recital, and the one of him singing This Is the Moment always got me.. it was the moment I realized I was in love with him. And ever since we broke up, no matter how much time had passed, it was difficult to watch. And I eventually stopped trying, assuming I never would be able to. It made me hurt, no matter how much of a dick he was being. It made me miss him, and those feelings of love would come flowing back.
Today, just for kicks, I tried watching it. It didn't hurt. In fact, I wanted to reach through the screen and punch him in the face. At this point, I can honestly say, I am so over it.And this will be the final post about it. It is over. He is not worth my time, my interest, my emotions. At one time, I was in love with him, yes. There's no way to change that it happened. But it is so over, I can't even illustrate how over it is. I'm done.
But now, I can also honestly that I am finally happy again. I have been able to find joy in life. Things are falling into place like I never expected them to. I always start off summers saying that I would love it to be a fairytale summer.. have fun, be in the sun, relax, meet a boy, etc. Just be happy, so happy that sometimes you laugh for no reason, you look around and smile at nothing. Your heart skips a beat when you breathe in. You jump in your seat jamming out in your car. You roll in ecstasy at the thought of how lucky you are to be alive, to be living the life you are in.
And finally, for the first time in my life, I had a fairytale summer.