So, I really didn't know what to title this post, because it really is about one thing in kind of mind-wandering-rant-type-think-aloud.
Okay so, this boy. I am falling for him fast. And it's absolutely ridiculous. He's not even my boyfriend, but all I can do is think about him and how much I want to be with him, hold him, kiss him. It's obscene. I haven't felt like this.. since well, ever. I mean, each 'relationship' or whatever have all been different. My first and only boyfriend I had when I was in high school made some mistakes that made me not trust him; the next one kinda led me on, which again, lack of trust for him.
The moral of the story is that Loretta has some serious trust issues. It gets so bad that I can't make eye contact with the person. And like I said before, this is not a problem with this boy. I like everything about him; except the fact that he's graduating soon, and perhaps moving very far away. But I have gotten to the point where I am so into him that I don't even care and I just want to be with him regardless of whatever might happen in the future.
And even after all this time has gone by since our first date, I still trust him. I have never even felt this comfortable with a guy ever, and I don't even know what to do with myself because I want him so badly.
I want him to be mine.. my boy.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
What they say...
They say that things in life happen when you least expect them to.. over the past couple of weeks, I have come to find out that this is completely and utterly true.
Out of the blue the week before last, I was asked out on a date. By a boy I liked. And it was by far the best date I have ever been on. He was romantic and a gentleman, bought me flowers and opened doors.. he is absolutely wonderful. I don't know, but it may even be going somewhere, which I am totally okay with.
I may have mentioned (maybe not) that I have this issue with guys a lot of the time. I don't trust guys after bad experiences in the past, and most of the time it's ridiculously evident; I can't make eye contact with them.
But here's the thing.
I can make eye contact with this guy. For a long time. And not feel uncomfortable. That hasn't happened in a LONG time.
So to sum up, I like the boy. yay. :)
In other news, I went to an awesome sale at Old Navy this weekend and got a couple dresses, scarves, a shirt, and a tank top (one of those stretchy white ones.. I wear them under everything). I absolutely love Old Navy stuff.
I also cannot wait for the rest of this week. It's going to be fabulous! Not only am I going to spend lots of time down at the elementary school I volunteer at (at play rehearsal), but I get to see so many wonderful people back home that I haven't seen in forever.. course, I should probably sneak in some school-work.. maaybbbeee.
Out of the blue the week before last, I was asked out on a date. By a boy I liked. And it was by far the best date I have ever been on. He was romantic and a gentleman, bought me flowers and opened doors.. he is absolutely wonderful. I don't know, but it may even be going somewhere, which I am totally okay with.
I may have mentioned (maybe not) that I have this issue with guys a lot of the time. I don't trust guys after bad experiences in the past, and most of the time it's ridiculously evident; I can't make eye contact with them.
But here's the thing.
I can make eye contact with this guy. For a long time. And not feel uncomfortable. That hasn't happened in a LONG time.
So to sum up, I like the boy. yay. :)
In other news, I went to an awesome sale at Old Navy this weekend and got a couple dresses, scarves, a shirt, and a tank top (one of those stretchy white ones.. I wear them under everything). I absolutely love Old Navy stuff.
I also cannot wait for the rest of this week. It's going to be fabulous! Not only am I going to spend lots of time down at the elementary school I volunteer at (at play rehearsal), but I get to see so many wonderful people back home that I haven't seen in forever.. course, I should probably sneak in some school-work.. maaybbbeee.
Monday, February 21, 2011
It's going well!
It's going really well! My weight loss, plan that is. Out of the four days I have been doing it, I only went over my calorie budget once, which was because of a friend visiting and trip to Friendly's. So I can safely say that on my own, even with classes to juggle, I am able to stick to my diet! I mean, granted, it has only been four days, but I feel so proud of myself!
Okay, a couple of weird random things. Annndd they are both Jesus-centric! Those are the best, aren't they??
So, first. I was on Facebook, and there's this application called God Wants You to Know. It basically is like a religious version of a horoscope, which I must say, is right up my alley. And every day it updates, so there is a little one next to it. I haven't clicked on it in a while, but for some reason I was being drawn to it this past Sunday. So, I'm like, what the hell, couldn't hurt right? Little did I know what words were waiting for me. It said the following:
"You can tell yourself that you've already decided, that nothing can stop you now, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times."
I was blown away! All I could think of was this new diet and weight loss plan I had embarked upon, and how things like this have always failed in the past for me. God is doing this with me. I know He thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am, but I kind of saw this as support. He is supporting me in most any step I choose to take, and I can count on him to be here for me.
Okay, second random thing. My friend was here this weekend, right? And we spent the last morning of her visit laying in bed talking about babies and our future children. Then literally an hour later one of my suitemates texts me and tells me she had a dream that I had a baby girl; brown hair, green eyes ("She looked just like you!" she would later say), and we were giving her a bath in the sink. My heart was so full of joy just at this idea! My friend suggested that maybe it was a confirmation from God that I will have children someday, that my worries about fertility are frivolous and He will provide for me.
I think that this will be my focus during this Lenten season. Usually during Lent I just devote myself to trying to nice to other people, listening to only Jesus music.. I don't usually give something up like most people do. This year I will follow my same pattern, except I want to focus my prayer on my future husband and future children. My patience is growing weary, having had no glimmer of hope for a relationship in quite a while. I cannot seem to find someone that is on the same page that I am, and that meets my standards, which are morally based and cannot be undermined. Not that I am going to demand anything of God; He will provide when and if He sees fit, but I need something to tell me to keep going. The dream my suitemate had was really helpful in that department! More of that, please?
I know my future husband is out there somewhere. I hope he is ready for me soon, and that the Lord is shaping him into an amazing man. I pray for him often, and I hope all is well with him, especially tonight as I type this entry.
I invite my readers, few as you are, to talk to God as well. I'm sure you have differing perspectives when it comes to religion, but really, God is awesome. Lent is always so beneficial and such a blessed time for me, and I would love to spread that joy to others. I'm sure there will be a whole big Lent post once it rolls around, but maybe until then, toss around the idea of spending some time with the Lord. He is always there, knocking on the door to your heart, waiting to love you.
Okay, a couple of weird random things. Annndd they are both Jesus-centric! Those are the best, aren't they??
So, first. I was on Facebook, and there's this application called God Wants You to Know. It basically is like a religious version of a horoscope, which I must say, is right up my alley. And every day it updates, so there is a little one next to it. I haven't clicked on it in a while, but for some reason I was being drawn to it this past Sunday. So, I'm like, what the hell, couldn't hurt right? Little did I know what words were waiting for me. It said the following:
"You can tell yourself that you've already decided, that nothing can stop you now, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times."
I was blown away! All I could think of was this new diet and weight loss plan I had embarked upon, and how things like this have always failed in the past for me. God is doing this with me. I know He thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am, but I kind of saw this as support. He is supporting me in most any step I choose to take, and I can count on him to be here for me.
Okay, second random thing. My friend was here this weekend, right? And we spent the last morning of her visit laying in bed talking about babies and our future children. Then literally an hour later one of my suitemates texts me and tells me she had a dream that I had a baby girl; brown hair, green eyes ("She looked just like you!" she would later say), and we were giving her a bath in the sink. My heart was so full of joy just at this idea! My friend suggested that maybe it was a confirmation from God that I will have children someday, that my worries about fertility are frivolous and He will provide for me.
I think that this will be my focus during this Lenten season. Usually during Lent I just devote myself to trying to nice to other people, listening to only Jesus music.. I don't usually give something up like most people do. This year I will follow my same pattern, except I want to focus my prayer on my future husband and future children. My patience is growing weary, having had no glimmer of hope for a relationship in quite a while. I cannot seem to find someone that is on the same page that I am, and that meets my standards, which are morally based and cannot be undermined. Not that I am going to demand anything of God; He will provide when and if He sees fit, but I need something to tell me to keep going. The dream my suitemate had was really helpful in that department! More of that, please?
I know my future husband is out there somewhere. I hope he is ready for me soon, and that the Lord is shaping him into an amazing man. I pray for him often, and I hope all is well with him, especially tonight as I type this entry.
I invite my readers, few as you are, to talk to God as well. I'm sure you have differing perspectives when it comes to religion, but really, God is awesome. Lent is always so beneficial and such a blessed time for me, and I would love to spread that joy to others. I'm sure there will be a whole big Lent post once it rolls around, but maybe until then, toss around the idea of spending some time with the Lord. He is always there, knocking on the door to your heart, waiting to love you.
Friday, February 18, 2011
So my life begins.
Today is another one of those first days for me. Today begins my diet.
After a very fat Valentine's week, I went to my closet yesterday to figure out what I wanted to wear for the day. After looking through everything, I said to myself, "I would look fat in anything in here". That was it. That was the point where I realized, something needs to change. I am not comfortable with myself, and I am overweight. So, today begins the first day. I am going to try my darndest to stick to this.
So, I reactivated this online food journal I had in high school, and I plan to count calories, take vitamins, hopefully squeeze in some exercise. I lost 15 pounds last summer, I know I can do this. Of course, I've gained it all back since then, but my current goal is to lose 35 pounds. I want to feel comfortable with myself, and gain the confidence that I so desire. I want to be able to go into my closet and pick out something because I want to wear it that day, not because it's the only shirt that won't show my love handles. I want to stop feeling like the fat friend. I want boys to look at me because I'm gorgeous, not because I'm unfortunate looking. I want to be able to honestly say that I feel beautiful. As of right now, I can't.
My goal date is my 21st birthday, June 4th. That is only 3 months and 14 days away! I need to stick to a 1,500 calorie diet with 700 calorie burning occurring through exercise. I can do this. I am asking whoever reads this to support me in this. I want to be free of this monster, I want to love myself, and I feel that this is the way to do it. I will be healthier both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I want to start my 22 year of life feeling amazing, and leaving this behind me. Here it goes. :)
After a very fat Valentine's week, I went to my closet yesterday to figure out what I wanted to wear for the day. After looking through everything, I said to myself, "I would look fat in anything in here". That was it. That was the point where I realized, something needs to change. I am not comfortable with myself, and I am overweight. So, today begins the first day. I am going to try my darndest to stick to this.
So, I reactivated this online food journal I had in high school, and I plan to count calories, take vitamins, hopefully squeeze in some exercise. I lost 15 pounds last summer, I know I can do this. Of course, I've gained it all back since then, but my current goal is to lose 35 pounds. I want to feel comfortable with myself, and gain the confidence that I so desire. I want to be able to go into my closet and pick out something because I want to wear it that day, not because it's the only shirt that won't show my love handles. I want to stop feeling like the fat friend. I want boys to look at me because I'm gorgeous, not because I'm unfortunate looking. I want to be able to honestly say that I feel beautiful. As of right now, I can't.
My goal date is my 21st birthday, June 4th. That is only 3 months and 14 days away! I need to stick to a 1,500 calorie diet with 700 calorie burning occurring through exercise. I can do this. I am asking whoever reads this to support me in this. I want to be free of this monster, I want to love myself, and I feel that this is the way to do it. I will be healthier both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I want to start my 22 year of life feeling amazing, and leaving this behind me. Here it goes. :)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Cake Pops!
Last night my roommate and I made cake pops (both of us for the first time, might I add), for a community service fundraiser we're doing for our Living Learning Community. I didn't have a chance to take pictures last night since we were up until 2am!
But don't worry! You're in luck. I had to make another batch today for my students in my Methods I field placement for Valentine's Day, so I decided to chronicle the process for all those people who ask me how cakepops are made!
Here we gooo!! :)
But don't worry! You're in luck. I had to make another batch today for my students in my Methods I field placement for Valentine's Day, so I decided to chronicle the process for all those people who ask me how cakepops are made!
Here we gooo!! :)
First I started out by making a regular box mix cake. For this batch, I decided to use Funfetti cake mix and chocolate frosting.
Mixing it up! I got this Chefmate Handmixer at Target for $6-7 and it works pretty good!
Beautiful!
Bakerella recommends 9x12, but I find that any pan is fine. I used 2 8inch circle pans.
Five minutes in to their baking :)
Out of the oven! Since they will get crumbled down, I cut slats in them to make them cool faster. You don't have to really worry about presentation with these.
Big pile of cake... now that's what I like to see!
Then I get ready to make the Cake Pops' dough. I use this big red bowl, cake, a big spoon, and frosting.
The cake gets crumbled down until there are no big chunks left in it.. this part is really fun.
Then I add about 3/4 of a can of frosting.
Isn't it gorgeous?!
Then you start to mix it together. This is what it looks like half way through.
In order to make even balls, I use a cookie scoop to get the right amount of dough.
I put wax paper on a cookie sheet and line as many balls as will fit.
This batch yielded 40 cake balls! Much better yield than cupcakes, I must say.
Up close. Their color is stunning!
See how there are no overly large chunks? You want the surface to be smooth.
Now the tricky part.. the chocolate! I use Wilton Candy Melts as my candy coating, but you can use any brand. However, it is very important to use chocolate specially designed for this type of melting craft, since the others will not yield the same results.. trust me, I've been there.
In order to make the cake pops, dip one end of the lollipop stick into the chocolate.
Insert that end into the cake ball.
The transformation from balls to pops!
All done!
I just love them. <3
You can either put them in the fridge for a few hours, or the freezer for a few minutes. Me and my impatient butt usually pick the freezer. :)
These next three have nothing to do with cake pops, but I was bored while waiting for them to be able to come out of the freezer!
Our Wellness LLC fishy!
Still bored........
Okay, finally! Make sure your chocolate is still smooth, and remove your cake pops from the fridge. You'll want to have come Styrofoam available for this part.
Put the cakepop head first into the chocolate. Use a spoon to make sure all the sides are covered, but be careful not to nick the cakepop so that no crumbs come off into the chocolate candy coating.
Lift the cake pop out of the chocolate, and tap your wrist to allow any excess chocolate to drip off back into the bowl.
See?
I used both Milk Chocolate and White Chocolate this time.
Almost done!
Here they are again!
Set aside some extra chocolate melts and put into strong Ziploc bags. I use freezer bags as disposable piping bags, and they can go in the microwave too! It saves a lot of time and you don't have to wash anything after!
Use your piping bags to drizzle the cakepops for a professional looking finishing touch.
Gorgeous.
Yum yum yum!
YUM!
Use treat bags to cover each cake pop.
Tie the cake pops closed with festive ribbon.
All done! Aren't they lovely!
Yayy!
Carefully place into Ziploc bags head first for transport!
I hope you enjoyed this journey through cake pop making! Before attempting Cake Pops, make sure you have plenty of time to devote to this project! It took me four hours to make one batch!! Remember patience is a virtue, but if you have it, you'll get cake pops :)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
fluffy blue birds
it saddens me that most of what i want to post about on here is usually complaining about something or pessimistic in a sense, but most of the time that's the thing i don't have an outlet for.
yesterday my roommate's boyfriend was here. i made sure to leave for a while at various points of the day and night so they could have some alone time. then today i was in the room, and basically they asked me to leave with their looks and body language.. five minutes later my door was open again. the thing is, whenever he is here, i get wicked depressed. my roommate and i are friends, but there is always some sort of competition between us. and to be honest, i hate competition. it's just that, i need to be validated as does anyone in their emotions, desires, and accomplishments. with her, no one ever measures up to being worthy of her attention. rather, i never measure up. between the two of us, the only one that matters is her. i suppose i'm used to it at this point in our friendship, but it's times like this, when her boyfriend is here, when not only is it again only about her, but i feel invisible and unwanted.
in other news, next weekend we are doing the prep for our first LLC program of the semester next weekend. to fulfill our community service requirement, we will be selling cake pops in the student center on Valentine's day. i'm excited! i've made cake balls, but never pops.. that reminds me, we have to go shopping to get supplies for that. i need to do laundry too. gracious.
of course, i was going to do laundry today, but it's just not going to happen. i woke up this morning and my back was a complete mess. i can barely move without being in pain. so, ive pretty much been in bed all day. i mean, it's probably a combination of scoliosis and also the agitation i caused when i was digging my car out yesterday. i mean, we got about 18 inches of snow earlier this week, and since i'm the driver for my methods placement this week (i alternate with another girl), i figured i would get it cleared off and ready so i wouln't have to get it out later on. good choice, but there was a lot of snow. i was clearing it off for 45 minutes! a lot of that was using my snowbrush as a shovel to dig it out... not fun.
with my classes this semester, i have officially decided that if it were up to me and i didn't have to have two majors, i would drop english in a heartbeat. i hate it. i love creative writing, but any other interest i had in english before, this college has killed many times over. i honestly think it's a combination of the subject matter and the professors. the ones i have now include scary lady and ben stein, the poetry prof.
not gonna lie, i'm pretty pumped about the toy story marathon that's on tonight on ABCfam. not gonna lie.
yesterday my roommate's boyfriend was here. i made sure to leave for a while at various points of the day and night so they could have some alone time. then today i was in the room, and basically they asked me to leave with their looks and body language.. five minutes later my door was open again. the thing is, whenever he is here, i get wicked depressed. my roommate and i are friends, but there is always some sort of competition between us. and to be honest, i hate competition. it's just that, i need to be validated as does anyone in their emotions, desires, and accomplishments. with her, no one ever measures up to being worthy of her attention. rather, i never measure up. between the two of us, the only one that matters is her. i suppose i'm used to it at this point in our friendship, but it's times like this, when her boyfriend is here, when not only is it again only about her, but i feel invisible and unwanted.
in other news, next weekend we are doing the prep for our first LLC program of the semester next weekend. to fulfill our community service requirement, we will be selling cake pops in the student center on Valentine's day. i'm excited! i've made cake balls, but never pops.. that reminds me, we have to go shopping to get supplies for that. i need to do laundry too. gracious.
of course, i was going to do laundry today, but it's just not going to happen. i woke up this morning and my back was a complete mess. i can barely move without being in pain. so, ive pretty much been in bed all day. i mean, it's probably a combination of scoliosis and also the agitation i caused when i was digging my car out yesterday. i mean, we got about 18 inches of snow earlier this week, and since i'm the driver for my methods placement this week (i alternate with another girl), i figured i would get it cleared off and ready so i wouln't have to get it out later on. good choice, but there was a lot of snow. i was clearing it off for 45 minutes! a lot of that was using my snowbrush as a shovel to dig it out... not fun.
with my classes this semester, i have officially decided that if it were up to me and i didn't have to have two majors, i would drop english in a heartbeat. i hate it. i love creative writing, but any other interest i had in english before, this college has killed many times over. i honestly think it's a combination of the subject matter and the professors. the ones i have now include scary lady and ben stein, the poetry prof.
not gonna lie, i'm pretty pumped about the toy story marathon that's on tonight on ABCfam. not gonna lie.
Monday, January 31, 2011
today was the first day
today was the first day of the rest of my life.
today was my first day in the elementary school where i'll be doing my methods I work. and something i noticed that struck me was how my anxiety did not kick in. at all. as you may know already, i have an anxiety disorder which is often triggered by new situations and stress. this fell into that category, but i have never felt more comfortable. working with those kids confirmed i am going to school for the right reasons. i am here, and doing the right thing. this is what i was meant to do, and all this time i wasn't sure if it was, but i can say without a doubt that it is. so i write here to chronicle this amazing feeling that can only be described as discovering my destiny, so that i will always remember this girl who practically cried writing this entry.
on another note, this cover that i stumbled across on youtube is the kind of passion i think every singer should aspire to. i don't usually post videos because i think it's a tad annoying, but this one is worth is. can't stop listening to it.
today was my first day in the elementary school where i'll be doing my methods I work. and something i noticed that struck me was how my anxiety did not kick in. at all. as you may know already, i have an anxiety disorder which is often triggered by new situations and stress. this fell into that category, but i have never felt more comfortable. working with those kids confirmed i am going to school for the right reasons. i am here, and doing the right thing. this is what i was meant to do, and all this time i wasn't sure if it was, but i can say without a doubt that it is. so i write here to chronicle this amazing feeling that can only be described as discovering my destiny, so that i will always remember this girl who practically cried writing this entry.
on another note, this cover that i stumbled across on youtube is the kind of passion i think every singer should aspire to. i don't usually post videos because i think it's a tad annoying, but this one is worth is. can't stop listening to it.
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