Saturday, February 5, 2011

fluffy blue birds

it saddens me that most of what i want to post about on here is usually complaining about something or pessimistic in a sense, but most of the time that's the thing i don't have an outlet for.

yesterday my roommate's boyfriend was here. i made sure to leave for a while at various points of the day and night so they could have some alone time. then today i was in the room, and basically they asked me to leave with their looks and body language.. five minutes later my door was open again. the thing is, whenever he is here, i get wicked depressed. my roommate and i are friends, but there is always some sort of competition between us. and to be honest, i hate competition. it's just that, i need to be validated as does anyone in their emotions, desires, and accomplishments. with her, no one ever measures up to being worthy of her attention. rather, i never measure up. between the two of us, the only one that matters is her. i suppose i'm used to it at this point in our friendship, but it's times like this, when her boyfriend is here, when not only is it again only about her, but i feel invisible and unwanted.

in other news, next weekend we are doing the prep for our first LLC program of the semester next weekend. to fulfill our community service requirement, we will be selling cake pops in the student center on Valentine's day. i'm excited! i've made cake balls, but never pops.. that reminds me, we have to go shopping to get supplies for that. i need to do laundry too. gracious.

of course, i was going to do laundry today, but it's just not going to happen. i woke up this morning and my back was a complete mess. i can barely move without being in pain. so, ive pretty much been in bed all day. i mean, it's probably a combination of scoliosis and also the agitation i caused when i was digging my car out yesterday. i mean, we got about 18 inches of snow earlier this week, and since i'm the driver for my methods placement this week (i alternate with another girl), i figured i would get it cleared off and ready so i wouln't have to get it out later on. good choice, but there was a lot of snow. i was clearing it off for 45 minutes! a lot of that was using my snowbrush as a shovel to dig it out... not fun.

with my classes this semester, i have officially decided that if it were up to me and i didn't have to have two majors, i would drop english in a heartbeat. i hate it. i love creative writing, but any other interest i had in english before, this college has killed many times over. i honestly think it's a combination of the subject matter and the professors. the ones i have now include scary lady and ben stein, the poetry prof.

not gonna lie, i'm pretty pumped about the toy story marathon that's on tonight on ABCfam. not gonna lie.

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