Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Long Time No Post

It has almost been two months since I last posted! This is terribly unfortunate, and I apologize greatly for my absence.

Things have been going well. I can't even say I've really been that terribly busy, I just am in senioritis mode hardcore. I really don't want to do work; ever really. I just want to sleep and eat and watch TV. It's much worse than when I was a senior is high school. I'm getting mostly everything done; every once in a while something slips through the cracks that I cannot bring myself to actually do, but I'm getting through I suppose.

I went to the health center on campus for something last week, and they weigh you when you go in. I was wicked nervous, anticipating weight gain supreme since I've come back to school. I've only gained twoish pounds! I was very happy to see that. My thoughts towards food have definitely gotten better since the semester began, but I still constantly worry about gaining the weight back.

Steve and I are coming up on three months! Every moment I spend with him is amazing, and every moment we're apart I miss him. I am falling for this boy, growing closer to him every day even when I'm not with him. He makes me so happy, and I can't even describe how lucky I am to have him in my life. He is showing me so many things about the world, about myself. He probably doesn't even realize it, either. I'm learning how I should be treated; how special I am, which is something that I seriously thought I would never say. Overall, he is just wonderful. Mmmmm. :)

It's only October, but I'm already starting to get pumped for Christmas. I'm already planning out what I want to get people, bake, etc. I absolutely love Christmas season.. the baking, the clay ornament making, the music. I'm currently planning out a Christmas album for this season.. I haven't recording Christmas music since 2009, so I think it's about time to do some of that. It will hopefully feature some guest artists as well, various friends and even a couple that I don't really know. I'm actually really excited about it!

This weekend I'll be going to Brighton again for Halloween festivities; Steve and I are both wearing military garb as well as some other friends. We're all gonna look awesome walking around together. I'm wicked excited for it.

Emmaus is coming up! Ten days, I believe, is the count now. We have an amazing fifteen candidates, which is absolutely ridiculous. I don't remember the last time we had a weekend that large. It's the 30th anniversary weekend, too, so it's going to be awesome. I finally ordered an Emmaus hoodie, and it's at my house waiting for me. I cannot wait to wear it.. I've wanted one of those for years. I can't wait for Emmaus.. I really need it this year. My neighbor is going to be a candidate, and my cousin is working on team for the first time. This will be the first weekend at which I will have biological family. While over the years I have considered the Emmaus community my family, without question they are, it'll be really cool to have actual blood family on the weekend. I've always been one of those orphans.

I love that the fall weather is finally here; I've been waiting for the cold. The only problem this year is that since I lost so much weight, none of my winter clothes fit! Everything is so big on me. I wish I had more funding to go buy some new clothes. I suppose belts will just have to do for now.

I really miss baking. I did so much of it this summer, that now I'm kinda going into withdrawl. There are so many amazing recipes I've discovered via Stumbleupon, and I want to try them so badly. I think I'm going to do a lot of baking once I get home for Christmas.

I still miss my little boy wicked badly. His mom sent me a link for their online photo album, and he not only got a little haircut but his new aupere is there now. He has grown so much! I sent him a little KSC t-shirt, which I thought would be ginormous on him, but it fits him perfectly! I'm going to try and see him over Thanksgiving break. I cannot wait to see him, but I must admit I'm nervous he won't remember me. He's so little still, afterall, and now that Edna is there and he seems to really like her, it'll probably be really difficult for me if he won't come to me or anything... I'm gonna miss that.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do once I graduate. I know I want to try and move to the Boston area still, but what I will do there is still up in the air. I suppose it's just scary to think about trying to get into the children's theatre industry; it's so narrow especially since I don't have a degree in theater. However, my resume regarding children's theater is somewhat impressive for my age, so hopefully that will work in my favor.

I don't go to counseling anymore. I decided to stop; I found myself really struggling to find things that were sufficient enough to talk about. I think a lot of what needed to be discussed revolved around the fact that I'm changing a lot as a person and the catalysts of these changes. I needed to talk about the stuff with Tim and how hurt I was by all of that. It's been amazing to find out all these things from various people now that I'm back in school... the information that I missed along the way is purely shocking. It's sad that I was so head over heels in love with him and I was so blinded by that that I allowed myself to be treated like shit and didn't even realize it.

What's great is that now that I'm with Steve, I have found a balance. I am not constantly giving of myself to please him, but balancing him into my life; there is give and take instead of just give. We communicate beautifully, he makes me happy, I don't obsess over him.

I was just telling a friend today how I finally am at a place in my life where I feel as though I am allowing myself to be the person I want to be; the person I feel as though I've stifled for years. I feel as though things are finally starting to go right.

1 comment:

  1. hurrah you have updated! and you are happy too :) yay